GREG ABBOT OUTLAWS BREAKFAST

Greg Abbot has officially outlawed breakfast in Texas. He signed into law the "Heartbeat Act" allowing private citizens to sue anyone performing or aiding and abetting in the performance of an abortion.

He signed his new law on the capitol, steps and proclaimed "Texas has always been a Pro-Life state and this act reaffirms that. Now all these unwanted babies can grow up un squalor and desperation. They will commit untold crimes out of hopelessness and then we can sentence them to death. If they are black, anyways. We will always reinforce Texas Pro-Life values."

This law has had the unintended consequence of outlawing breakfast, however. It was apparently so rushed and poorly written that it does not apply only to humans, but to all creatures. Chicken farmers have been facing growing numbers of lawsuits seeking $10,000 in damages for each egg sold- ie: chicken abortions.

Jeb McCurdy- a chicken farmer outside of Tyler said of the new law "I can't afford the insurance to raise my chickens for eggs in Texas. Now all my chickens have to move to Louisiana or Oklahoma to lay their eggs for sale."

Eggs in Texas must be consumed before yolk sac can be detected. Of course, yolks are the best part of the egg.

Reports from chicken farms in Louisiana and Oklahoma show they are overwhelmed by the increased need for egg laying services. "There's only so many eggs you can eat" one Louisiana resident said.

The Texas law also makes no exceptions for chicken rape or chicken incest. Governor Abbot proclaimed "This is not an issue because Texas has very strong laws against chicken rape and incest." It should be noted that this does not seem to be a credible deterrent since Greg Abbot and most Texas Republicans are indeed chicken fuckers.

Not all residents had bad things to say about the law, however. Tyson foods representative Cade McDowell said "We support this strong Pro-Chicken Life Law from Texas. More chickens will now be born and raised for the necessary 60-90 days to turn them into chicken nuggets."

On the other hand his wife, Lisa McDowell, also a Tyson spokeswoman, said "Fuck you, Greg Abbot, Tyson foods, and Cade McDowell- I'm outta here!."

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douglaskburke2
- Oct 24, 2021
- 2 min read

Greg Abbot Outlaws Breakfast

Greg Abbot officially outlawed breakfast in Texas with his signing of the "Fetal Heartbeat Act". He signed the law into effect on the capitol steps, announcing "Texas has always been Pro- Life. This act will outlaw all abortions after 6 weeks or before most women know they are pregnant. Countless unwanted babies will now be born into a dilapidated foster care system unprepared for them, raised with no hope and living lives of desperation with no hope but lives of crime. Then they will be convicted and sentenced to death- at least if they are black. Thus, Texas will always defend life."

This poorly written law has had the unintended side effect of banning breakfast. The law allows anyone to sue another person aiding abetting or performing an abortion, but did not specifically specify that the abortion must be human. Now countless chicken farmers, supermarkets, diners, and private citizens are being sued for providing, cooking, end eating eggs- unborn baby chickens.

Jeb McCurdy, a chicken farmer raising eggs outside of Tyler said "I've been completely shut down. I can't get insurance for my farm anymore. All my pregnant chickens are having to make the long trek to Louisiana or Oklahoma to lay their eggs. The poor pregnant chickens just can't walk that far."

Reports from egg laying operations in these states say they are inundated with all the new chickens.

The new Texas law does not include any exceptions for eggs resulting from chicken fucking or chicken incest. Governor Abbot also said "We won't have any problems from chicken rape or chicken incest because Texas has strong laws against that." Of note, Attorney General Ken Paxton just announced charges against both himself and Governor Abbot for being chicken fuckers.

Pro life protesters welcomed the news, however. They were interviewed outside a Waffle House, carrying signs saying "Life begins at conception! No more omelets!" Will McHurd, a Tyson foods representative also applauded the new law saying "We support the right of all unborn chickens to be born and to live the 60-90 days that it takes to turn them into chicken nuggets.". His wife, Jessica, also a Tyson foods spokeswoman, had a different take saying "Fuck you Greg Abbot."

GREG ABBOT OUTLAWS BREAKFAST

Greg Abbot Outlaws Breakfast

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