Greg Abbot Outlaws Breakfast
Greg Abbot officially outlawed breakfast in Texas with his signing of the "Fetal Heartbeat Act". He signed the law into effect on the capitol steps, announcing "Texas has always been Pro- Life. This act will outlaw all abortions after 6 weeks or before most women know they are pregnant. Countless unwanted babies will now be born into a dilapidated foster care system unprepared for them, raised with no hope and living lives of desperation with no hope but lives of crime. Then they will be convicted and sentenced to death- at least if they are black. Thus, Texas will always defend life."
This poorly written law has had the unintended side effect of banning breakfast. The law allows anyone to sue another person aiding abetting or performing an abortion, but did not specifically specify that the abortion must be human. Now countless chicken farmers, supermarkets, diners, and private citizens are being sued for providing, cooking, end eating eggs- unborn baby chickens.
Jeb McCurdy, a chicken farmer raising eggs outside of Tyler said "I've been completely shut down. I can't get insurance for my farm anymore. All my pregnant chickens are having to make the long trek to Louisiana or Oklahoma to lay their eggs. The poor pregnant chickens just can't walk that far."
Reports from egg laying operations in these states say they are inundated with all the new chickens.
The new Texas law does not include any exceptions for eggs resulting from chicken fucking or chicken incest. Governor Abbot also said "We won't have any problems from chicken rape or chicken incest because Texas has strong laws against that." Of note, Attorney General Ken Paxton just announced charges against both himself and Governor Abbot for being chicken fuckers.
Pro life protesters welcomed the news, however. They were interviewed outside a Waffle House, carrying signs saying "Life begins at conception! No more omelets!" Will McHurd, a Tyson foods representative also applauded the new law saying "We support the right of all unborn chickens to be born and to live the 60-90 days that it takes to turn them into chicken nuggets.". His wife, Jessica, also a Tyson foods spokeswoman, had a different take saying "Fuck you Greg Abbot."