Re. Ryan Guillen switches to Republican Party
This past week Rep Ryan Guillen, formerly a Democrat in the Texas state legislature, switched allegiances to the Republican party.
"I have always known that I was a Republican from a young age. I used to play cowboys and Indians, and I would always pretend I was rounding up and separating Mexican families at the border. None of the other kids wanted to play with me." he said from his official ceremony swearing allegiance to the Republican party.
"The Democrat party does not represent the values I hold, mostly because my polling shows that there are more Republicans in my district, and if I lose re-election I will have to try and find a real job. I don't want to go back to working at Whataburger. That job is for Mexicans and Colored people." He said.
While his words may have offended some people, because it was said at an official Republican event, there were no Hispanics or African Americans present to be offended, except for Allen West, who sat in a roped off area reserved for the token minorities, quietly eating the watermelon and fried chicken provided for him by the Republican party.
President Trump even showed up for the official Republican swearing in. He went up on stage with Rep Guillen and promptly dropped his trousers, pulling out his orange manhood.
"Suck it" he said. And as a loudspeaker played Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" Rep. Guillen knelt down and sucked former President Trump's dick. After he stood and wiped off his mouth Trump proclaimed "It is done! He is now a real Republican, not like that RINO Adam Kinzinger. It's good to be the President. I'm still the President."
Governor Abbot, also present at the allegiance ceremony, fondly remembered the first time he sucked Trump's dick. "Just like old times." he said, as he wiped a tear from his eye.